


Explaining Furries to Jonathan Fucking Sims

by BoomButton



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Furry, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Martin Blackwood is a furry, Memes, No beta we kayak like Tim, Season 1, Slack - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28343343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoomButton/pseuds/BoomButton
Summary: Sasha: oh my god it’s furriesTimbo: is it just me or did this statement take pla- lol yeaSasha: I refuse to explain furries to jonathan fucking sims. Refuse.Set in the Archives Slack chat, Season 1.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood & Sasha James & Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood & Tim Stoker, Sasha James & Tim Stoker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	Explaining Furries to Jonathan Fucking Sims

**#archives-staff-internal**  
**Jonathan Sims** : When one of you has a moment, I could use a hand with 0120511.  
**Timbo** : not it  
**Sasha** : Do you need help with something specific, or just need a second pair of eyes?  
**Jonathan Sims** : The people mentioned in the statement are referred to by strange codenames. Some of them are too general to Google, and the results for the others are just a bunch of cartoons and fanart.  
**Jonathan Sims** : Nothing I recognise, but I’m not exactly knowledgeable about cartoons. I hoped one of you might recognise them? If you know the shows well enough, they might provide some sort of lead on who these people are or how they’re connected.  
**Timbo** : well lay the names on us then, bossman  


**#tim-stoker-fanclub**  
**Sasha** : I bet he didn’t even watch cartoons as a kid  
**Timbo** : lol  
**Timbo** : would explain alot  
**Martin** : does it explain it, or is it merely a symptom?  
**Timbo** : always asking the big questions

**#archives-staff-internal**  
**Jonathan Sims** : Okay, here’s the list: Wolfie, Purplez, Cloudberry, Wolfie Brightfur (might be the same as the first Wolfie?), Biscotti, Tumbles the Stairdragon, and Doublefluff.

**#tim-stoker-fanclub**  
**Sasha** : oh my god it’s furries  
**Timbo** : is it just me or did this statement take pla- lol yea  
**Sasha** : I refuse to explain furries to jonathan fucking sims. Refuse.  
**Timbo** : come on uwu  
**Timbo** : imagine the look on his face when you get to yiffing  
**Sasha** : oh god  
**Timbo** : and fursuits OwO  
**Sasha** : if you want to see the look on his face that bad you can tell him yourself  
**Timbo** : sash. light of my life, fire of my loins. this is my gift to u. u cant turn down a gift  
**Martin** : did you srsly just quote Lolita? kinda fucked up  
**Martin** : anyway  
**Martin** : most furries are just fans of anthro characters, most dont’ even have fursuits, much less have sex in them

**#archives-staff-internal**  
**Jonathan Sims** : Anything ring a bell?  
**Jonathan Sims** : It’s okay if it doesn’t, but the radio silence is getting a little disconcerting, LOL.  
**Jonathan Sims** : Is it something bad?

**#tim-stoker-fanclub**  
**Timbo** : its always the quiet ones  
**Sasha** : Tim be nice.  
**Timbo** : that was nice!  
**Sasha** : I’m just heading you off  
**Timbo** : u can head me off any time ;-)  
**Martin** : it was during high school ok, i was lonely and coming to terms with my sexuality. furries online were welcoming and lgbtq-positive when everyone in my real life was the opposite.

**#archives-staff-internal**  
**Jonathan Sims** : If it’s something to do with pornography it’s okay, you can just say so. I’d rather suspected as much from the image results.

**#tim-stoker-fanclub**  
**Timbo** : im sorry, i didnt realize. that makes a lot of sense.  
**Timbo** : did u want to be the one to tell the boss about them then? since youd probably give the most accurate & favorable picture  
**Martin** : god no. he’s dense but he’s not that dense. he’d figure it out too  
**Martin** : he hates me enough already without that ammunition  
**Sasha** : fine, I’ll do it

**#archives-staff-internal**  
**Sasha** : Sorry about that. We were arguing about who had to tell you.  
**Jonathan Sims** : I see. You drew the short straw, I take it?  
**Sasha** : Something like that.  
**Sasha** : So there’s a sort of infamous fan community online called the furry fandom. They’re fans of anthropomorphized cartoon animals. Donald Duck, Bugs Bunny, that kind of thing. Some of the fans make up their own original furry characters and pretend to be them online.  
**Sasha** : Some of the very dedicated fans go to conventions dressed up as their characters, and pretend to be them in person. Maybe the statement happened at a furry convention?  
**Jonathan Sims** : I think you’re on to something.  
**Jonathan Sims** : And you’re right, the statement giver said right at the top that this happened at a “Confuzzled”. I’d gathered it was a fan convention, but apparently the name is also slang for “confused,” so without the context I didn’t get any decent search results.  
**Jonathan Sims** : Thanks.

**#tim-stoker-fanclub**  
**Martin** : that was really good Sasha, thank you for not being a dick about it  
**Sasha** : no problem. I'm sorry I went straight to making fun earlier. I hung out on 4chan too much when I was young and stupid.  
**Martin** : lol  
**Martin** : should have guessed you were secretly the hacker known as 4chan all along  
**Timbo** : hey if u dont mind me asking  
**Timbo** : what was ur fursona?  
**Martin** : a tornjak  
**Martin** : big fluffy dog, white with brown markings  
**Timbo** : omg thats perfect for u  
**Sasha** : holy shit, it’s Martin  
**Sasha** : that dog is literally Martin  
**Martin** : yeah I spent way too long looking for exactly the right breed

**Timbo** : so…  
**Timbo** : what would my fursona be?  
**Sasha** : you thinking of becoming a furry, Tim?  
**Martin** : embracing your inner uwu?  
**Timbo** : what can i say, im a sucker for a good bulgey wulgey

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to go into each of their potential fursonas, but it went on for a while and the bulgey wulgey line made for a much snappier ending.
> 
> Post what you think their fursonas would be in the comments I guess?


End file.
